Darshän Beauty

Wednesday, January 14, 2009
FACING ADVERSITY....remember to CARE for yourself

I have had more than my fair share of adversity in the last twenty years; at least it feels this way from my point of view. It may always be a mystery to me why the degree of difficulties in life vary from person to person, but the one thing I have come to learn through my own trials is that you can control how adversity affects you.

For some, adversity comes in the form of a physical or emotional trauma, while for others it may come from losing a job, or dealing with sick family members, or a difficult relationship, or heavy debt, or a bad working environment. And unfortunately, sometimes we can face several or all of these challenges at the same time. But whatever the cause of the adversity we face, I have discovered that there are four key requirements needed to meet the challenges head on and they form the acronym CARE-Courage, Attitude, Rest, and Exercise.

COURAGE - Courage is born through adversity. But sometimes we misunderstand the nature of courage. Sometimes we think courage is only about the act of sacrificing ourselves for others, when the truth is that that act sometimes comes from the ego. I can easily gauge whether my self-sacrifice is real courage just by seeing if I am looking for something in return. If some form of payback or attention is needed in return, then it is my ego acting out. Sometimes, courage means putting ourselves first. When we face adversity, we do no one any favors by sacrificing our own well-being and affecting our personal liveliness. Courage can mean saying NO to others.

Courage is also about seeking and asking for help in times of need. Asking for help is often construed as a weakness, but it takes an enormous amount of courage to face the reality that you cannot do it alone. Any caregiver can tell you how hard this is to do, but when we ask for help, we not only give ourselves the relief that we need, but we also give others, who are able, the opportunity to give of themselves, which feeds their own sense of well-being.

ATTITUDE - When facing adversity, there is nothing more important than a positive attitude. There are times when keeping a positive attitude is as hard as the challenges we are facing. It takes real effort to keep ourselves centered, but with careful attention and love, we can rein our weariness and helpless feelings in, in a healthy way. Keeping a positive attitude is vital to help bring clarity and energy to the tasks at hand and help reduce stress that affects our physical bodies.

A real stumbling block in keeping a healthy, positive attitude is suppressing emotions. I believe this is another strong influence of the ego that says we cannot show weakness. But the emotional and physical benefits of releasing these emotions that well up inside of us far outweigh any momentary embarrassment. Make it a priority to release these pent up feelings when you first feel them brewing inside. The problem with suppressing the urge to cry or get angry is that no matter how hard we try, eventually the emotion will get released and by then we lose control and do more harm than good. Or, if we are really resistant, the unreleased emotions will turn into a physical problem and we will have the rug pulled right out from under us.

There are many ways that we can release emotions in a productive and healthy way. We can cry, express righteous anger (sometimes it is okay to get angry, we have this emotion for a reason), talk with a friend, or even write out our feelings. The important thing to remember is that in order to maintain a healthy attitude, we need to release our sadness and frustration and move on quickly.

REST - When life is challenging us, it is essential to get as much rest and down time as we possibly can, especially if we are facing a long-term challenge. Sometimes the crisis we face does not allow us to get proper sleep or breaks during the day. But rest, whether sleep or relaxation, improves our energy, our health, our weight, and our memory and reasoning skills. Returning to stillness, even for 5 minutes at a time, and breathing in a slow, meditative fashion, will calm our nervous system that adrenaline reeks havoc on, reduce anxiety, fear, and worry about our stressful situation, and help us remain in the present moment, which is the only place we need to focus on.

EXERCISE - Like rest, exercise is very important to help relieve stress, improve sleep, and build energy. A quiet walk can also be a form of meditation. Unfortunately, exercise usually slides down our to-do list when we are overwhelmed, if it was even on there to start with. It is at this exact time that we need to maintain or improve our health, even if it is done in very little steps. We don’t have to run a marathon to gain the benefits from exercise. We can keep ourselves going strong with a 20-minute walk each day, or doing yoga or Pilates while watching TV. Exercising our muscles helps improve whatever sleep time we have available to us. A light aerobic workout will clear our head and help us think better, and a hard workout will help us sleep even more soundly.

Exercising regularly is a challenge for most of us. So it is important to find activities that you enjoy doing. If treadmills are monotonous for you, then try to go outside when you can. If 30 minutes of doing one activities drives you crazy, break up your workouts into 2 or 3 fifteen-minute sessions. Do not be afraid to mix things up. Do whatever it takes to keep moving. Try to include strength training, which is also vital to a healthy body. Following a program like the STEP Up btc Mindful Choices Program can help you turn exercise into a healthy habit.

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